The Six-Second Hug

Six-second hug, May 2026

I cannot remember exactly where I read about the value of a six-second hug. I only remember that it was during the heart of the pandemic, and I was struggling.

Once I shared this finding with my husband, he was completely on board. He really tried to get in those six-second hugs with me.

Six-seconds feels like an eternity for me.

And while I’d be the first to admit that I want to be loved, I also recognize that one of my negative core beliefs about myself is that I am unworthy of such love. There is a push and pull between wanting those deep connections and not allowing myself to have them.

Somewhere deep inside, I have convinced myself that it is not okay for me to have needs. Not okay to express negative emotions. Not okay to show up as myself.

There is great vulnerability in acknowledging these beliefs, and it is incredibly sad.

But there is also great healing in learning to use my observations to change my thoughts, feelings and behaviors.

The work continues.

Peony Presence — Spring Bouquet #6

Our house is in a disrupted state. We’re long over due for interior painting. Everything is off the walls. Furniture is pushed to the center of rooms and drop cloths are everywhere. Workers play their favorite music as they spackle, sand, roll and brush. Greek Villa, by Sherwin Williams, coats the walls and ceilings and trim. The place looks new and fresh.

While I wait for the paint to dry, I take more pictures of the peonies from Westwind Flowers Farm & Studio Bouquet #6. This is the stage in the peony lifespan I love the most . . . when the petals begin to fall and the flower opens wide.

Peonies don’t perform for you. They invite you, entice you, and host you to a celebration of the senses. Fragrance, texture, color, curves, movement, abundance.

Peonies — Bouquet #6

Bouquet #6, the last of my spring subscription from Westwind Flowers Farm & Studio, was a flourish of peonies, both pink and white. They are gorgeous in abundance, but I decided to focus on a single flower in the state between a tight bud and wide open bloom. That opening is where the beauty lies for me. It’s not a forced opening where the petals need to be pried open. Instead, the process is a gentle unfolding, like an invitation to enter and simply witness feelings or friendship or love.

A Labor of Love — Bouquet #6

Even though things could be easy, or at least, easier, I often do things the hard way. I grew up with admonitions like never put off till tomorrow what you might do today, there’s no such thing as a shortcut and anything worth having is worth working for or waiting for. I can’t accurately pinpoint where or how these ideas were imprinted upon me. Likely some combination of Sunday School lessons and the indoctrination that came with being a “good little girl.”

I’ve managed to shake off a lot of that way of thinking. At least, the part where “good” is the goal. The focus on being good led me to be more concerned with how I looked than how I actually lived. Not a pretty picture.

But still, I love the quilt that took me hundreds of hours to hand stitch over the one that I can buy at Target for $50. I adore the custom handmade solid maple bookshelf in our den that was a big splurge. I mostly cook at home rather than takeaway. The question is — how do we stay active in world where the structure is built to make us passive?

I honestly can’t remember the last time I saw another person carrying a camera. I don’t mean analog versus digital. I mean a camera that wasn’t part of a mobile phone. I do not mean to imply that you cannot be actively involved in creative work with a smart phone camera. Of course, you can. But the structure of the smart phone camera is designed to make taking photographs quick and easy and simple. And there is nothing easy about lugging around a Single Lens Reflex or Medium Format camera. There is nothing quick about manual focus or exposure setting. Nothing simple about packing, carrying, setting up a tripod. But all of that effort is exhilarating.

Things made by hand, with effort, are labors of love. And I think we humans like things hard. On some deep level, we understand and feel that hard work is good for us. It makes us whole. Helps us appreciate the joys and withstand the sorrows.